More of my story, continued...

So back to the story... As I said before, August 10th, my birthday, I had the ultrasound on my lump on my neck.  At this point, no one was "too" concerned about what was going on in my leg anymore... all the concern had shifted to what was going on in my neck.  My leg, the pathology was early melanoma... and contained within just that area according to the pathology.

Since my biopsy apt. was in the morning, we called the general doctor next day for the results.  One thing I've learned throughout all of my apts. from this last month - is that you can call for your results.  I wouldn't have ever done so in the past.. just waited until my next apt to hear the results.  The results were... no it's not a lymph node.  Yes, it's a solid mass.  No it's probably not cancerous, but you'll need a biopsy to tell.  The least invasive way for a biopsy is a needle biopsy.  We'll get one scheduled for you.

My general doctor said that they would get back to us about an apt with a surgeon for the needle biopsy.  We called later that afternoon... they didn't have an apt for us.  We called the next day, no apt yet.  They said they would call us back.. they never did.  (Still haven't to this day actually.  I think I'm going to change my general doctor.)  Called my midwife.. let her know that we hadn't gotten an apt & then she started calling around.  Finally got ahold of someone who could get something scheduled.  They got me an apt for the Aug 23rd to see a surgeon at the Medical Center.  So, I'd have to wait two weeks to talk to a surgeon.  Feeling the run around!

The consult came for my leg & went on Aug 16th.  Yes, they were going to remove 5mm of skin in that area.  Standard procedure.  The procedure was scheduled for Monday, August 29th.  He didn't think my leg & my neck were related.  (it should have gone to my groin, not my neck.)  Two weeks of healing - staying off my leg & I'll be as good as new.  No walking on my leg.  Shouldn't hurt too much.  Probably won't need pain meds.  Be prepared to take some time off.. so standing for long periods of time or walking.

The apt with the surgeon finally arrived.  He felt the lymph nodes around my neck & in my groin.  Nothing else is enlarged.  Hey said that people in general are lumpy and that it could be nothing major.  Best to check it out.  We thought that he was going to be doing the biopsy... and he said that day that he would rather have me have it done by a radiologist by ultrasound.  So, they would call me with that apt.  Waiting for someone to schedule another apt.  I thought I was going to die!  Why is it that they can't seem to get back to me about apts in a timely manner?  Seriously?  We call... no apt.  Finally they call the next day - and it's an apt for Friday.  I guess three days to wait for an apt isn't that bad.  Thank goodness it wasn't any longer.

The surgeon was going to be out of town that weekend, but I'd have the needle biopsy done friday August 26th & they would call me (once again) and get me an apt to meet with him about the results the week after.  The results apt got scheduled for the following Thurs. Sept 1st.

So, I was looking forward to.. biopsy friday, excision monday, follow up on biopsy thursday, bandage change for my excision on friday.  Yuck.  That's a lot of apts.  and after monday I'm not supposed to be walking!  I guess we'd have to find me a wheelchair...

Friday came for the biopsy.  It was more unpleasant than I thought it would be.  They did it by ultrasound.  Of course they had to wait for the radiologist to get there... so I sat prepped on a table for a good hour with Rod in the waiting room not knowing why a 10 minute procedure was turning into an hour & a half.  Poor guy.  Then when the actually went to do it they hit a nerve every time they put the needle in.. and a sharp pain went down my arm.  It took almost a week before that nerve was no longer agitated!  Next up... excision Monday!

Why Wait to Tell Everyone??

Well, the first part of my story is posted.  I wrote the What No One Wants part 1 & part 2 on August 12, 2011.  Didn't post them till now.  Why might you ask?  Well, for a few reasons... First people tend to really freak out when they hear that you have cancer.  (This is something I can attest to firsthand.)  They automatically assume the worst.  I've come to realize in the last month or so that the word "Fear" is truly a four letter word.  Now, I realize I haven't given you a true update on my situation yet... but read on.. in this post or a post or two from now you'll get the rest of the story.  Second, well, I just was having enough of a hard time emotionally of dealing with all of it... that I just didn't think that it would be wise to deal with everyone else's reactions - when I couldn't control my own.

What was going through my head?  Well, for the first week or so I thought I really did have cancer.  That the melanoma in my leg had gone to my lymph nodes.  Satan was all over me on that.  Struggling seriously with it.  I don't know if you've ever wondered how many more nights you'd have to sleep next to your husband or whether or not you'd have the opportunity to watch the baby that is unborn grow up or what would your kids do without a mom.  It's scary.  Just plain scary.  I cried.  a lot.  often.  The fear of the unknown is what I realized that I was seriously having a hard time with.

I was dealing with the thoughts of stuff like.. uh, if this is serious and they do want me to deliver this baby at the end of September... my Rod, is going to have a seriously preemie preemie on his hands in one hospital and a very sick wife on chemicals in another.  You know.. we have 5 other kids too.  Who wants to deal with that??

One more reason that I waited... and someone said this to me...  oh, everyone has had cancer... just deal with it.  Like it's no big deal.  I had someone tell me that people do it every day... like that somehow takes the sting or fear out of it.  I honestly can't imagine saying that to anyone who is in the midst of it.  And you know, when you tell someone something about yourself... you hope that you know how they will respond, right?  But that just isn't the case!  Didn't need others saying those kinds of things to me..

Oh, and not lastly.... my sister-in-law lost a nephew a few months ago to cancer.  I didn't realize until I began to go through this that he actually died of melanoma that went to the rest of his body.  I prayed for him and hoped for him and wished the best for him.  I was so excited when they got his trip together to take him to Disneyland as a last family trip.  I cried for him & his family.  It was just a little too close to home.  Gosh, he was only in his 20's.  Like I said, a little too close to home.

Now, if you're wondering why I didn't tell YOU.  Please don't take offense.  I just wasn't ready to tell..  trying to deal with my "stuff" and figure out where I stood before telling the world.  And if I ran into you & my kids were around, I didn't talk about it.  I still need to sit down and spill the beans to them.  They know some, but not all.  I didn't want them living in fear.  Wanted to wait until all the results would be back at the end of Aug/beginning of Sept. so that we would know what we were dealing with.  Didn't feel like giving them the fear of the unknown.

Something important that I realized over the last couple of weeks... appreciate the time that you do have... you really don't know how much time you have!  I also realized that it's interesting that the thought of knowing that I could die... well, that having that timeline was so scary.  But the truth is... none of us know when our time to die will be!  Yet, we live day in and day out... unappreciative of the people and things around us... the time that the good Lord has given us..  Why didn't I spend more time being thankful & appreciative of what I do have?  Oh, how that hit me hard.  It still brings tears to my eyes when I think about it.

The Thing That No One Wants... part 2

Back to the dreaded topic of skin cancer.  Wow, when people hear that word they freak.  How do you run from other peoples emotions?

Wednesday, I had the mole removed.

Friday, I found out it was early melanoma (contained).

Saturday, I find a lump on the right side of my neck.

Wow, what do you do when you find out that you have skin cancer... only to have it removed... and told that even though it's gone, and that it may never return.. that you will always be "labeled" as having skin cancer?

And then the very next night... Say 36 hours later... you find a lump on your neck.  Where does your brain go?  Well that's where mine went.  And how do you tell your husband that there's a lump on your neck after you just found out the very day before that you have something that ultimately could be fatal?

I didn't even bother to hide it.  I went to the bathroom.  Gave the darn thing a feel.  Came out and showed him.  We were leaving, so the kids were on their way to the car.. so we had a moment to ourselves.

We decided that after we were done with our evening, Rod would take me to the ER.  Because we didn't know who to call come Monday morning.. do you call the midwives?  do you call the dermatologist?  do I call the general doctor I haven't seen in over 3 years.. because I only have baby issues... none other?

Then I decided that I would call the midwives after hours number.  At least I could talk to them & they would know what was going on come Monday morning.  So that's where this started.

Funny thing, try going into the ER 21 weeks pregnant (yes, they stop miscarriages at this point) and it to NOT be about the baby.  I was asked umpteen questions everyone thinking I must be there for the baby.  They finally calmed down about it and ordered someone to come to a fetal heart rate check.. which of course was fine!

The ER doctor said that the cyst/lump/mass whatever it is is the size of a walnut.  He said to call my general doctor & get in as quick as I can.  Because I've just found out about the melanoma... of course it freaked everyone there out.  They really did nothing... He did tell me where to go from there though, so I can be thankful for that.  He said to call the dermatologist if I couldn't get in with my general doctor.

I was dreading Monday morning... how was I ever going to get in quickly to a regular doctor?  Then at 8:15am the phone rings.  One midwife had called the one working that Monday and told her my situation.  I had told her I had gone to the ER - and that the ER doc suggested an ultrasound & needle biopsy.  So she called my doctor and got me an apt. for that afternoon.  I couldn't have done that if I tried.  Apparently, the Lord is looking out for me!

The doctors apt went as thought... she felt it... said yes, there's a lump & ordered an ultrasound.  Got an ultrasound for two days later.  Two days came & I went in for it.  I saw the lump, the tech verified that indeed it is the size of a walnut.  The results should be back to my general doctor within three days.  Like I would wait three days to find out!

I do have to say.... that if I had not just found out about the skin cancer stuff.. that they would normally not do  *anything* they would just watch it for a month or two to see if it enlarges or shrinks.  There are plenty of reasons to have enlarged lymph nodes.. which is what they thought it was at this point.  What we are hoping for is that this has not gone to my lymph nodes.  If it does that means it could be throughout my entire lymph node system.. which is bad.

My general doctors office just happens to be next to the OB office.  So Rod & I stopped in to talk to the midwife.  We were able to talk to her.  We thanked her for getting us in and expiditing the process.  We thanked her for her obvious concern.  We talked to her about my concerns.  She let me know that in worse case scenario.. they would deliver the baby at 28 weeks to give me care.  Wow, that's 7 weeks away.  And as of today, 6 weeks.  

The next morning, Rod calls my general doctor to see if the results are in.  An hour later, someone from the office calls me and gives me the news... the news that it's not a lymph node.  It's a solid mass on the side of my neck.  It may or may not be cancerous.  Generally they aren't.  They want to do a needle biopsy.  I already had one scheduled for Aug 23 - she says she's going to see if she can move that up for me.  Yes, ma'am, please do!  So as far as waiting for the process to move along, that's where I be!

Let's just say that it's a good thing that my life is in the Lord's hands.  It's the best news EVER that HE says that we are not to worry or cast any cares about tomorrow.  I do have my moments, but overall, with my friends praying and me looking at my spiritual life... I have realized that the Lord is going to cover me, my husband, this new baby and my children no matter what comes along.  Trust in Him.  Really, though, whatever else of a choice do I have??  I take my peace or I would be tormented.  I'll take the peace He offers - thank you very much.

The Thing That No One Wants...

Wow, this has been a really tough month for Rod & I.  I'm not really sure about how to go about explaining what has been going on in our personal life... but it is what it is and to God be the Glory, right?

Well, it begins some time ago.  I have a birthmark type mole on my right leg.  It's been there for as long as I can possibly remember.  I don't remember not having it.  Quite a few months ago, I thought I had imagined that something with it had changed.  It took me a couple of months to acknowledge that yes, something had changed.

With Rod on unemployment, we have Basic Health coverage.  I imagine you aren't familiar with BH - but it's where you pay based upon your income... which seems to be a lot for how much he really gets on unemployment.  Issue here, there's a big deductible, copays and the like and I believe it's 80/20 coverage.  Which when you begin getting bills, really sucks.  We had coverage similar to this when Josiah was born & the bills were pretty crazy.  So needless to say, I didn't go to the dermatologist.  We simply couldn't afford the $1500 deductible.

Turn the clock forward a couple of months, I find myself pregnant with baby #6.  A month or so later, I realize that BH has now moved me over to the DSHS Maternity benefits... and that my dermatology would probably be covered.  Well, I hope it is!  If not, oh well!

I go into my Midwife one week and in talking, I show her my mole.  She refers me to the local dermatologist. A month or so later, I finally get in.  They of course, take off the mole or birthmark or whatever it is.

Two days later, I get a call from the dermatologist that took off the mole.  I imagine that you realize a direct call from a doctor about something like this is never really a good thing.  It's much better to receive a piece of paper in the mail.  She of course (I know b'c she called) that it is early melanoma.  They are confident that all of it has been taken off.  But it's standard procedure to go ahead and remove more skin in that general area.  Apt. set up to have a consult with a surgeon.  (It's an outpatient surgery.)  Apt. set for the surgery.

Rod actually had gotten a call from her a bit earlier.  She said she couldn't yet talk to him.. because my privacy paperwork had not been scanned yet into the medical records... so she couldn't verify that it was okay to give him my personal info.  She was going to be out of town this coming week - so she really had to talk to me directly, asap.  I wanted to wring the neck of whoever decided to put medical records into the computer in the first place... that stupid sheet is right there in my records, ya know!!??

Wow, that was enough for one day.  I sat, I cried.  I tried to absorb the fact that I have now had "skin cancer" and that for the rest of my life, doctors will look over every mole I've got over every part of my body.  It seemed so crazy... on every medical record from here on out - it's going to say that I have at least at one point in time had melanoma.  My kids are going to be putting that on their medical records for the rest of their lives.

And then, on a side note, I think... well, at least I should have taken a darn picture of it for my blog! I guess I've gotta look for some humor somewhere!

All Stars Game 5 - SSLL vs. South Whidbey, Rubber match

(Josiah Nelson, photo by Rod Nelson, 7/15/11)

Since the boys lost last night, and both teams have lost in the tournament once... they were up to play South Whidbey again.

SW scored 2 in the first or second inning and SSLL just didn't ever recover.  Our pitchers pitched well, but theirs pitched better.  I was proud of Josiah - he's such a consistent player.  He hit EVERY time he was up at bat the entire tournament.  He got on base every time but the last (it was an out..).  A couple were fielders choice.. but he hit the ball!!!  In the Sedro game, Josiah made the winning hit.  In this game, he made the game ending hit.  He was up - and the ball beat him to first base - that was the third out - and the game was over!  Talk about being on both ends of the spectrum!!

(Josiah & teammates, by Rod Nelson, 7/15/11)

They didn't win this one either.. which is a real bummer because of all of the obvious talent that is on the team.  They were pretty evenly matched though... They lost 2-0.  Which means we won't be going to state in Vancouver, WA next week.  Which is bittersweet.  I really, really wanted Josiah to have the "going to state" experience.  He really wanted to go!  If only wishing were enough!  But we hadn't heard if Rod's unemployment was going to get extended (until today) ... and even with unemployment - we really couldn't have afforded to go.  I mean, we would have made it work - but we really couldn't afford it.

A couple of neat things that I will take away from this tournament... I got to see South Whidbey get their banner - which said something to the effect of District 11 champions.  That was pretty neat.  None of the previous All Stars teams that Josiah has ever been on has ever gotten this far.  So I hadn't ever witnessed it.

Second, I was really proud of how Josiah handled the loss.  I wish that I could learn how he does that.. take the bad with the good.  It's something that he gets from his dad.  His teammates were like... "Josiah, you're even happy when we lose??"  His response was something along the lines of, "There's no shame in a loss like that one!".  They played a good game.  And then, while getting everyone in the parking lot, a SW kid walked by - and Josiah said "Hey, congratulations!  And I hope you do even better in that tournament!"  What a great attitude.  I think I need to take notice for myself!!!

Fun Fact #5:  This was Josiah's third year as a pitcher!

See Gamechanger stats for game #5 HERE.
See Gamechanger stats for the tournament HERE.